The Line: A Psycho-Spiritual Map of Responsibility and Growth

​“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – James R. Sherman

When I had my first business coach a long time ago, he introduced me to a simple, conceptual framework that resonated with my understanding of consciousness and what happens when we fall into unconsciousness.  

In responding to my reactions, he asked, “Are you above the line or below the line?”. 

It is a deceptively simple metaphor that holds the key to moving from a state of victimhood to one of mastery and conscious living.  It is a powerful psycho-spiritual framework for personal and professional growth. 

🛑 Below the Line: The State of Fear and Self-Protection

To be “Below the Line” is to be in a state of emotional and spiritual contradiction. It is the default, primal setting of the human mind, wired for survival and self-protection. When we sense a threat—be it a professional failure, an emotional conflict, or simply a difficult challenge—our “lizard brain” takes over, pulling us into a defensive posture.

Below the Line thinking is characterized by the BED acronym:

• Blame: Shifting responsibility to others (“It’s their fault,” “The economy is to blame”).
• Excuses: Justifying poor performance or decisions (“I didn’t have enough time,” “It was too hard”).
• Denial: Refusing to acknowledge the reality of the situation or one’s own role in it (“There is no problem,” “It didn’t happen”). 

We literally want to be in BED underneath the covers.  

The Psycho-Spiritual Cost of BED

This pattern of Blame, Excuses, and Denial has a profound psycho-spiritual cost. It is a surrender of personal power, creating a feedback loop where we:

1. Relinquish Agency: By blaming external forces, we lose the internal belief that we can control or change our circumstances. We become victims of life, not creators of it.
2. Stagnate: Excuses prevent us from learning. If a mistake is always someone or something else’s fault, there is no need for self-reflection or improvement, leading to stagnation.
3. Lose Integrity: Denial is a fundamental break with the truth. Spiritually, integrity— AKA wholeness—is essential for peace. Living in denial fractures this inner wholeness.

When I operate from Below the Line, I have thoughts like: “I’ll do it myself,” “I’m on my own,” or “Nobody gets it.” These statements are rooted in the fear of vulnerability, the fear of not being enough, and the fear of needing help. The emotional driver of the Below the Line state is an intense desire to be right rather than to learn and grow.

✅ Above the Line: The Commitment to Growth and Ownership

The choice to move Above the Line is a courageous act of conscious leadership—of ourselves and our lives. It is a commitment to an open, curious, and expansive state of being.

The Above the Line mindset uses the OAR acronym:

• Ownership: Recognizing that you are fully responsible for your choices, actions, and their outcomes. This is the radical responsibility for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.
• Accountability: Holding yourself answerable for your mistakes and following through on commitments. Accountability is a bridge between an intention and a result.
• Responsibility: Choosing how you respond in any given situation. It’s the ability to “respond-ability” rather than react.

The Psycho-Spiritual Reward of OAR

The shift to OAR is fundamentally a spiritual practice, aligning us with our higher, courageous self:

1. Reclaiming Power: Ownership is the most empowering stance a person can take. By choosing the “by me” lens (life happens by my choices and responses) over the “to me” lens (life happens to me), we transform from a victim into a creator.
2. Deepening Connection: Accountability demands an honest inventory of one’s actions, which fosters trust and connection in relationships. It means moving away from the defensive posturing of the ego and into genuine, vulnerable dialogue.
3. Continuous Learning: Responsibility replaces the desire to be right with the commitment to learning. The Above the Line thoughts are questions: “What did I contribute to this?” “What can I learn?” “How can I take ownership?” This curiosity is the fuel for continuous psycho-spiritual growth.

🧘 The Practice: Moving from Fear to Strong Ground

Brené Brown’s discussion in Strong Ground elevates this concept from a performance metric to a Practice of Self-Awareness. 

It is not about never going Below the Line; it’s about noticing when you slip and choosing to climb back up.

Here are the steps. 

1. Recognizing the Trigger

The first step is self-awareness. Since the Below the Line state is driven by fear, the moment we feel a pull toward defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal, we must recognize it as a warning sign. It is our ability to notice our emotions before they drive our behavior. A conscious pause is the moment of choice.

2. The Power of the Pause

When you feel the urge to blame or excuse, you must pause. This pause is the moment where the spiritual and psychological meet. It is an intentional break that creates space between the stimulus and your response.

• Physically: Take a breath, notice your body’s tension.
• Mentally: Ask the Above the Line question: “What is mine to own here?”
• Spiritually: Re-center on your core values. If a value is Growth, then the choice is to abandon the defense of your ego and embrace the lesson.

3. Choosing Courage Over Comfort

Ultimately, the choice to stay Above the Line is the choice to be courageous. It requires the vulnerability to say: “I messed up,” “I need help,” or “I don’t know.”  This builds grounded confidence rooted in self-knowledge and integrity, rather than performance or perfection.

✨ The Path of Conscious Living

The Above/Below the Line framework serves as a blueprint for conscious living.

• Below the Line is a habit of the ego. It is comfortable, familiar, and keeps us small.
• Above the Line is a practice of the soul. It is demanding, uncomfortable, and allows for authentic power and expansive growth.

Our psycho-spiritual evolution is measured not by how long we stay Above the Line, but by the speed and grace with which we recognize our dip into the BED and choose the OAR to steer ourselves back to centre.  

Do we want to stay in bed?  Or put our oar in the lake? 

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