The Imperfection of Perfectionism

Mental Health Crisis of Perfection

A mental health crisis is looming among young people; for some, they feel the only way out is suicide. In the last decade, the North American rate of depression and anxiety in this segment of the population has skyrocketed. In the words of a young woman quoted; “ I have struggled with this my whole life. I cope by trying to be as busy as I can filling my days with things and not allowing myself a break. There is so much pressure to be perfect.”

Marion Woodman, in her book Addiction to Perfection, writes that this drive lulls us into believing that we need to be more than we are. We lose the connection with our natural rhythm of life and our values while being driven by performance, achievement, productivity, and goal-directed behaviour.

Being driven by this perfectionist complex leads to incredible stress in the psyche and the body. Stress creates havoc on our well-being and our physical health. Research shows that perfectionists have less social support to manage that stress that then triggers even more negative mental health issues. When the pressure gets to be too much, these people literally die from perfectionism.

Perfectionism

We all suffer from perfectionism to some degree. How do we know if our drive for perfectionism is something to be worried about?

Perfectionists are cursed and are unable to complete even simple tasks. They are incredibly self-critical and have extremely high standards; sometimes these standards are impossible to reach, yet perfectionists feel the compulsive drive to reach them. Perfectionists are cursed by procrastination because of the fear that they won’t do it perfectly. The demands that they put on themselves are demanding. The fear of failure and looking bad motivates so much of their behaviour. Often, being driven by a perfection complex comes with fear about what will happen if one doesn’t meet the high standards, they set for themselves. These fears become the debilitating source of anxiety and depression.

In her writing, Brené Brown also speaks of the self-destructive and addictive part of the complex. For Marion Woodman and Brené Brown, shame is at the root of perfection. It is a way to avoid the painful and powerful negative feelings. Somewhere in our psyche, we believe that if we can be perfect, we can avoid the feelings of being blamed or judged by others or ourselves.

Difference between Perfectionism and Excellence

A different mindset exists when we are under the spell of our perfectionist complex and when we strive to be our best. Perfectionism does not support our success. It hinders the feelings of achievement. Instead of celebration, perfectionists are often paralyzed, anxious and depressed.

On the other hand, excellence in anything is motivated by passion and commitment. We approach excellence with the attitude of growth and need to learn from our mistakes. Approaching excellence means that we are conscientious with everything that we do while giving ourselves permission to make mistakes.

Excellence requires self-awareness and knowing that we want to do our best not to be the best. We also acknowledge our limitations and our struggles. It means that we embrace our vulnerability. We are curious and get a high from trying new things.

What can we do?

Brené Brown, in The Gifts of Imperfection, offers a wonderful recipe to embracing self-compassion and self-kindness. To accept self-compassion, we must acknowledge our essential lovability and worthiness. We adopt a growth mindset and know that we are doing our best we are also learning.

Questions for Reflection

1) Upon reflection, do you consider yourself a perfectionist? Consider if you identify with any of the perfectionism qualities and if so, where do you think that stems from?
2) There is a fine line between perfectionism and just “trying to do a good job.” Do you find yourself toeing the line often or are you able to separate the two?
3) Has your job created extra stress on you trying to be perfect and if so, how are you able to navigate

Copyright Christina Becker
January 2020

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